guilt.

strange thing.  where does it come from?

for instance:  I’m going to be traveling part of this month, and trying to take care of my run-down health (feel a cold coming on) right now…  so generally, not in my studio/store. (and last week, I was there everyday but kept the doors mostly locked, wanting to be undisturbed.)

This means the store won’t be open.  Sometimes when I travel, Young keeps it open, but he’s going to be off on his own too.  So…..

Guilt about not keeping the store open.  Why?

  • it’s not financial.
  • it’s not about success.
  • it might have something to do with others’ expectations
  • it might have something to do with actually having the freedom to leave for a month and not worry about revenues.
  • it might be in line with that previous post regarding tv…just not feeling able to identify with most people.

good little exercise, that. I think it is about others’ expectations.  or, more precisely, my perception of what others might expect.  which is, even more precisely, likely to be inaccurate and clouded by solipsism.  (I couldn’t remember that word for almost half a year, and couldn’t find it either in the dictionary, even though I knew the definition.  Unfortunately, “reverse dictionary search” hasn’t become a well established technology.  There’s another word I’ve been trying to remember too–  it means something like “shrinking violet” mixed with “reserved” mixed with “humble” and I think it begins with “re-“.  It’s an adjective for a person who never tells you how amazing they are, and always hides their skills/ achievements/ brilliance-  but they do so sincerely and not because they are seeking attention.  however, they do it to such an extent it’s probably to their own detriment. )

anyway. i’ll be in europe soon.

Posted by:brook delorme

Languages & Thinking Patterns www.brookdelorme.com https://www.youtube.com/user/brookdelorme

2 replies on “processing

  1. Well have a good time. Sounds like life is good! Hopefully it will never happen, but having the sort of freedom you have is a real blessing. Enjoy it.

  2. Aye, the Internet has put an end to so many good conversations and debates (of course, the reverse is also true.) Still, I’m glad the Interwebs still can’t answer all questions– forces us to continue to talk to people. I think the word you might want could be “retiring” or “reticent.”

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