i drew this picture a couple of hours ago, thinking about the dream

I saw some paintings yesterday by a woman on etsy.  I don’t know the artist, or anything about her, but the images struck me as exemplifying creative freedom.  and it struck me in a sharpish way, enough so I felt as though I don’t have that sort of freedom.

and I know why I don’t feel like I have it.  whether or not my perception is accurate (which no doubt it’s inaccurate, since most perceptions of this kind are. I mean, I spent the first half of my twenties thinking I couldn’t have creative freedom because I wasn’t thin enough-  and of course, over time, I’ve come to see that as wildly untrue.)

So now I think I’m lacking in creative freedom, or seeking greater freedom, because of a structural life situation, one I still feel cowardly about dealing with.

using the prior logic-  that it’s not actually the situation, just some internal subconscious motor that’s always running in reverse-  what can I do?

I had  a dream last night that a very well known technical inventor (who I have met in real life) was asking me to co-design this website business which would allow people to answer any and all questions using an algorithmic approach.  I’d be working with the scientist who really knew the algorithm.  In the dream, I was conflicted, because I knew I didn’t care about doing this kind of work, but it might be lucrative.  however, it would distract me from what I did care about.

do I have to break something to change things?  can I carefully move into a new way of being?

[edit:  I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, shortly after waking up.  by the time I pressed publish, today, I’d forgotten about this dream.  how interesting to reread it.]

Posted by:Brook DeLorme

2 replies on “change

  1. Hey there,
    For me I’ve been learning that ‘knowing’ vs. ‘feeling’ truth and reality, are two separate things. You could ‘know’ that your structural life situation isn’t limiting your creative freedom, but you could very much ‘feel’ that it is. It seems like it might be that way since you mentioned you ‘feel’ cowardly about dealing with the life situation (?). I would find it very hard to increase my creative freedom if I still ‘feel’ I’m being limited in some way. It’s simply not going to work. Feelings and Emotions can mix with ‘logic’ in distorted ways. I’m learning that I’ve got to explore ways to find a comfort level, acceptance, between my feelings and my realities. Talking with someone you trust, to get a different perspective, is important. Also, having faith in yourself, and the power of your feelings, is important. Sometimes ‘feelings’ are the true indicators of ‘logic’ in a situation. Let me know what you think.

    Oh, no, you don’t have to break things to change a situation. I can gracefully step back and see something for what it truly is, appreciate its beauty (or not), and move on to create something anew.

    Best wishes in the New Year!


  2. hey Xopher-

    thank you for your thoughtful words :)

    I’ve been listening to tons of radiolab while I sew lately- and of course they like to take that neuro-sciencey angle, exploring the inter-relationship of logic and emotion. One episode I heard recently was about a man who had a brain injury- & he was seemingly fine, but his emotional access was cut off. like a Vulcan, Spock type (? not a big trekkie here, but was mentioned.)

    sum was: he could work – he was an accountant before the injury, and was able to keep doing that work- but he couldn’t make minor decisions. Like which pen color to use. or what type of cereal to buy.

    apparently, according to this scientist- if we just use logic to weigh everything- we’d never come to a conclusion. emotion jumps in and makes the decision happen.

    so I agree- feelings are necessary for us to properly use logic. thank you!

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